Here in My Heart

It has been 6 months since I lost my Mama. I have been trying to write something about her, about her life, her strength, her light, her influence on so many people, but it has been impossible. I’ve written before about the difficulties we face in adequately expressing love with words. I’ve never felt more right about my own thoughts. I am pretty good at writing physical descriptions of settings and people. I can fabricate a fairy tale plot to entertain my kids. I but now when I try to really memorialize the most influential person in my life, the woman who taught me everything truly important, the person I most want to emulate, I come up blank. I sat here for God knows how long just looking at the phrase “it has been 6 months since I lost my Mama.” The words did not fly from my fingertips. It has been just me staring here. Blank. “Lost.”

As I finally start writing this I realize how lost it really feels without Mama here. She was the rational one. The one who always loved. The one with a guiding voice. The one who always saw the best in people. The one who could teach herself to crochet the most intricate patterns just by looking at an example. The one who could easily grow an over abundance of vegetables just to give away whatever she could to anyone who smiled as she walked through the neighborhood. The one who could bring back to life the most wilted flower, propagate it, then replant it in it’s new home. The one who could cook anything. The only one whose sauce the finicky five year old me would eat. The one who loved to laugh because her thick accent hid her sarcasm enough to confuse its recipient. The one who could sing any infant to sleep. The one who stood strong in her faith, even when everything around her was crumbling. The one with folksy remedies. The one with ancient fairy tales. The one who our whole world centered around. Who we orbited for every occasion, event, and holiday. The only one whose judgment really mattered. The rational one. The one who always loved.

I know I am not the only one who feels so lost without my Mama. But we all have to try to find our way in our own way. I have been trying my best to be more and more like her every day. I am trying to be patient.  Am trying to think the best in people. I dug out my old knitting needles and crochet hooks, and while I can’t copy patterns by sight, I am almost finished with a whole blanket.

I planted some herbs, fruits, and vegetables outside. The birds keep eating my strawberries and the rabbits are eating the parsley and squash blossoms, but the basil and sage are abundant, there are several green tomatoes budding, and one green pepper! I started walking through my own neighborhood, and maybe one day I’ll also grow enough tomatoes to give out.

I planted some flowers and shrubs and potted a few succulents. Some of my shrubs were not supposed to be in full sun, but the others are thriving and my roses are blooming. I overwatered about half of my succulents, but am attempting to propagate from some leaves.

I am trying to cook, and pray, and laugh as she would. I found a book about Italian folklore and another about Italian folk magic and am trying to remember where old stories are crossing into our family traditions.

I’m trying. I’m hoping. I’m sad. But every time I feel a connection when learn a new stitch, or grow a new plant, read one of the old stories, or hear some old Italian music, I feel one step closer to being just a little more like the woman who has always been our “Queen Bee.” I hope my baby steps are making her proud.

Moana always reminded me of my relationship with my Grandmother. Having someone with such kindness, love, encouragement and faith in you (while cracking a few jokes) was the best thing my and Moana’s grandmother could give. I felt the pain Moana felt when saying goodbye, and took comfort in knowing there is nowhere I could be where she will not. My sweet friend Bridget knew how I felt about the movie and my Mama, and she gave me this beautiful print of Moana and her Gramma Tala. I keep it here next to one of my favorite pictures of her with me and my sisters, where it reminds me to carry her “here in my heart.”

Gardening Wreath

I’ve been behind posting my wreaths, but here is my gardening wreath I made to hang before and after my flag wreath.

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So cute! The base of the wreath is a 10ft. leader hose in a wire wreath. You also need twine, gardening gloves, flowers of your choice, and a toy gardening kit.

Use twine to tie the hose in a circle.

Then tie the hose into the concave part of the wire wreath.  You can add a dab of hot glue for reinforcement. You can also cover the twine with the flowers and gardening tools.

tie to wire wreath

 

The flowers I chose pop right off their stems.

pop flowers off stems

 

Just hot glue them onto the hose.

 

The base of the flowers fit nicely in the hose crease.

 

flowers!

For the opposite side, I used the gloves and the toy kit. The handles are bulky and hard to attach, so I unscrewed the heads off the shovel and hoe.

detach heads from handles

I screwed just the heads together and used glue because I didn’t have a small enough washer.

use glue as a washer

Tie the toy tools to the hose.

tie down tool heads 

Glue the gloves down to cover that the handles were removed.

glue down gloves

The toy kit I bought had flower markers, so I used white nail polish to write in some flowers before I glue them in.

sprinkle in flower tabs

Finished! And adorable! Happy gardening!

Gardening Wreath

 

Toadstool Planter and Lilu’s Big Announcement

Toadstools are adorable. Last summer I made these ceramic toadstool houses and a toadstool bird feeder. 

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To bring the toadstools outside, I made toadstool flower pots. They are really easy and cheap to make. I used inexpensive plastic planters and painted them red.

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Then I used white caulk to make the spots on the planter.

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The caulk dried overnight and the planter was ready to go. I planted red Gerbera Daisies surrounded by little white flowers.

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Easy and sweet looking!

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In other news, Lilu made a big announcement this week. She’s going to be a guard dog/big sister!

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We’re expecting the little one on December 5th. We’ll find out if it’s a he or a she then. In the meantime, Lilu’s very excited about the position

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Pot Tower

So you’ve probably seen these adorable pot stacks on Pinterest. I made them last year for the front of the house. This year, I put them on the side, against our fence.Image

 

I think like them better there because the honeysuckles on the fence make them look even more whimsical. I didn’t use a tutorial, just figured it out by eye.

The towers are made with a 4ft concrete rod and 6 terracotta pots.

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1 – 11″ pot

1 – 10″ pot

2 – 8.5″ pots

2 – 6″ pots

I spray painted mine last year in fun colors (they’re also the color scheme I used for my pot wreath).

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You also need something to help stabilize the pots so they look like they are going to tip over. Use whatever you have, like rocks, broken brick or you could even use those small water bottles filled with sand. I have lots, and lots of river rocks that were all around my yard, so I used them.

Start by staking in the concrete rods.

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Thread the pot 11″ through the drain hole.

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Use rocks and dirt to fill the bottom of the pot (The rocks will help stabilize the top pot and help you use less dirt)

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Thread the 10″ pot through the drain hole and tilt the pot. Adjust the rocks from the bottom pot for the top pot to rest on.

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Use a rock inside the top pot to weigh it down on one side.

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Continue with the rest of the pots, alternating which side you tilt the pot. You may have to shift the rocks and dirt to support the different pots.

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At the top, you can hammer in the concrete rod deeper into the ground when your closer to the top.

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Now plant away! Because I disassemble these for the winter, I only use annuals in the pots. Now I guess you could plant as you go so you don’t have to remove the dirt you just put in, but I like to be safe and not risk crushing the plants.

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I like to plant a different flower on each tier, and I try to mix in some whimsical looking flowers (like those tall red ones and the fuzzy cone shaped ones). I planted the extra flowers between the two towers and in tiny, 4.5″ pots.

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I love my pot towers. I love the colors, the flowers, the way they look against the honey suckle fence. I just plain love them. They didn’t take too long to assemble, but I started late in the day. By the time I was finished it was dusk. A lightning bug cruised on past my tower. I think she liked my flower pots. In my book, the lightning bug means it’s officially summer. Happy Summer everyone!

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