A few weeks ago I was sitting alone in our back room, in front of my Christmas tree, just grieving. I was very sad thinking of all the people I love so much who aren’t with me anymore. I was missing my grandparents, my uncles, my cousins, and my friends who have all passed on. I just miss them all so much. I remembered a Christmas years ago, I was a little girl and crying with my mom while we missed my uncles, wishing they were with us. This felt very much like it did that year – I felt like a little kid again with this gigantic grief that I couldn’t handle or put into words.
I don’t know why but suddenly I stood up and looked out the window. In my rock pit and in the trees behind my house were several cardinals. I had never seen more than a pair together before, but here spread across my yard and trees were at least 5 male and 5 female cardinals, maybe more. They were hopping and flying from the ground to several different branches, so I couldn’t get a definite number, but there were definitely at least 10. I was suddenly so happy. The logical part of my brain said it is winter, cardinals are not at all rare, this is a coincidence. The other part of my brain said yes, that may be true, but I had never seen so many at once. And some part of me had me stand up to look out the window right then, when my heart was missing everyone so deeply, to see all those birds who are said to represent lost loves ones. Who are supposed to remind us to keep their spirits alive in our hearts. Who may as well have been saying “we are here, we love you.”
I tried to take a few photos, but the window screen and the width of space the birds took up made my photos a little blurry and without all the birds in the same frame. I love the photos I did manage to get though, and I quickly sent them to my husband, mom, and sisters. It was the little sign from heaven we all needed.
I found out that there are many names for a group of cardinals, and one is called a Vatican. I thought my Mama would like that, so I decided I will only be calling multiple cardinals a Vatican. Part of my resolution this year is to write more, so I figure that on the anniversary of the day my Mama left us, I will write here about the day I feel she and some other loved ones sent some birds to my yard to help lift my spirits. I hope I can keep up, write more, and be happy more. Until next time, enjoy this pair cardinal from that day.
