Happy Birthday to Me

Happy birthday to me! I guess? I was never big on my own birthday. There might have been a year or two somewhere when I completely forgot it was coming. This isn’t really a milestone birthday or anything, but it is the first one to make me sad. Because I’m in that official “middle age” bracket.” Because it is the first without my Mama. Because I might be the least accomplished person I know. Because I was supposed to do XY and Z by now, but have not.

Because when I was young, I made the mistake of listening to people tell me I was young and unaware. That I needed life experiences to have insight, that I needed to know more. Beause now I am in that middle space where I am supposed to be invisible and content. I am not yet wise but I know too much to be innocent.

Because I have spent so much time holding back, trying to plan and know more. Because very often I planned planned planned only to let the plan fall through or the moment pass.  

So I’d like to resolve to make my sadness motivation. To just dive in. To not plan so much. To try. To trust that I don’t need to experience it all to have experience. To be willing to learn and grow and stay curious. To remember all flowers grow at their own pace, and so will people. To honor my Mama with every passing day. To continue to forget my age. 

I’ll start by appreciating the beauty of fallen pink petals while we can (in spite of the eye-stinging pollen they emit), because they’ll be green leaves tomorrow.

I am happy young people are not listening to older people who tell them they are too young to know. We are all too young to know. Sometimes I worry that my spark is gone. I hope if it has been snuffed out, my wick isn’t so burnt out that it can’t be lit again. Although I guess if my wick is burnt out I can always be put on a candle warmer. I’m sure the wax still smells good.

Find Joy in Spring

Tulips lucky enough to avoid the jaws of squirrels

When I started this blog, it was a space for me to pull happiness into the world. In real life, I am not nearly as upbeat and positive as I wish I was. I am actually very cynical, suspicious, and I expect the worst in most situations, but I am trying my best to be more positive. That is why it was so important to me that My Asterisk Life stayed a positive space. Even if no one ever reads a single post, I know whatever I have floating around is happy and safe. Life is really hard. There are terrible and tragic things happening every day, and I want a place to escape.

But over the last year I worried, is it even appropriate to have a happy space? The world seemed to be saying no. Even if I did want to use my blog as a space to reflect on the sadness of the last year, I couldn’t. Some people have the natural ability to articulate their feelings. They can beautifully put into words the pain they feel, and when we read their works we feel a connection. We relate to their pain, we understand where they are coming from, we may feel satisfied knowing we are not alone. I am not one of those people. When I am sad, I am at a loss for words. Nothing comes out and everything is blank. Or, even worse, if something does come out I say the wrong thing. I say the first idea that has come into my head without articulating the nuance of my sadness. Then I am overanalyzing and over thinking my descriptions, worried I have made someone else upset or have come off as stupid. So no, I won’t write sad things, or at least if I do I will try my best to find he light in the sadness (“If there’s a shadow in your life then there’s sunshine”).

My birthday is tomorrow. I’ll be entering the new bracket when I fill out my age in surveys. The actual “middle age.” My life is different than what I thought it would be by now, but I like it. I am blessed. I am learning new things about myself. I am finding out how complicated it is to be human. To be happy and sad and fulfilled and yearning and anxious and worried and content and curious and excited all at once. It’s a complicated beautiful thing this life we have.

I’d like to continue to share with you some things I find beautiful. Like my sweet Mama’s recipes, adventures with my family, crafting trial and errors, and some other musings I have. I’ll start with my flowers who have bloomed this spring in spite of the bunnies and squirrels digging up and eating the bulbs of their neighbors. The hyacinths are my favorites because they smell so amazing. I with they’d last a little longer before toppling over. Thank you for reading so far! I hope the rest of your day is filled with joy.

The sweet smells of spring

Pot Wreath

Ok,  it’s been over a month since I made it, but I thought I should put my May wreath up. If you haven’t seen the wreath on Pinterest yet, prepare yourself for something pretty.  

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My friends Caroline and Sarah came over for a Pinterest party, and we decided to make these wreaths.  We found them on Pinterst, and used the tutorial here:

http://www.bloglovin.com/viewer?blog=1809101&post=2628708147

The tutorial has all the materials listed and is very easy to follow.

I decided to paint my pots to match the pot towers I put outside (another Pinterest inspired project I’ll be posting). Sarah and Caroline didn’t paint their pots.  I think their wreaths look very sophisticated, while mine looks a bit more on the whimsical side.  

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If you want to paint your pots, do that first. Tie down the larger pots first. 

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Then fill in the spaces with the smaller pots. Switch up the direction of the pots, they shouldn’t all face the inside of the wreath.

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We cut cubes of floral foam and filled the pots with it after they were all tied down.

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Then just hot glue the faux flowers. I used a lot of succulents mixed in with purple flowers and some faux moss. I added the moss last as a filler.

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They’re not very difficult, but they are pretty heavy. Make sure your wreath holder is a sturdy one. Also, this may be too big if you have a screen door. Mine barely closes with the screen door. I think I may move this to my side door to be closer to my topsy turvey pots.

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