My *Asterisk* Life

Oh wow; babies are exhausting! I know you’re supposed to know that, but I don’t think the fact can ever be truly appreciated until you actually have your own baby. See I have plenty of baby experience thanks to my nieces and nephew, but I was always able to return them at the end of the night. This new parent thing is totally different.

I never in a million years thought that I’d be unfazed by someone peeing, pooping, and/or puking on me, but I haven’t thought twice about cupping my hands to catch whatever might get squirted at me. Sure I’ve changed some gross diapers, but it was always gross. To really not care that my shoulder smells like spit-up, my hand has been pooped on, and my baby just peed across the room is an Angela who never occurred to me would exist even just two months ago.

In my head, babies slept all the time. So I’d change and feed him, but I’d have time to clean my house or rest or maybe even read a magazine. Oh what a fool I was! Babies are more than a full time job. Especially colic babies. Many nights he’s up for hours crying. It’s a pretty helpless feeling when he’s crying and nothing at all makes him feel better. What works one night doesn’t necessarily work the next. I’ve even altered my own diet to see if that eases some discomfort for him. So far, it hasn’t. I think he has reflux too. My poor baby!

The weirdest thing about being a new mom isn’t the all-nighters or the sloppy clean-ups. It’s how much those things don’t bother me at all. I love it. I always loved kids, but babies were too much for me. The fussing, the helplessness, the fragility, it was all too intimidating. How would I even know what to do? But I love that I know how to soothe him, that I am responsible for taking care of him, that he is safe in my arms. It all came second nature.

People tell you “sleep while baby is sleeping.” Instead I often just watch him sleep.  I’m told I shouldn’t spoil him by holding him too much or rocking him too much or letting him fall asleep in my arms. But there’s part of my head that panics because I know that in a few years it’ll be a fight to get a hug from him. So I let him snuggle and I dance around with him in my arms.

This little man has also made a change in Matt. To see him dote over our baby has made me fall in love with him all over again. He can calm Jack when no one else can, not even me. Sometimes Jack will stop crying the second he is in Matt’s arms. I think every woman finds nothing more attractive than a man loving his child.

I’m trying to enjoy my baby now while I’m home. Even though I still have some time off, I get myself upset thinking of going back to work. I guess every mom goes through the feeling. It doesn’t make the feeling any easier. I’m hoping that by the time I have to go back I’ll at least be more comfortable with leaving him.

In the meantime, I’ll be trying to finish his nursery, start his scrapbook, and get as much snuggle time in as possible!