Happy Spring! It seems that every spring I come back to my little space here to write. I know it’s connected to my SAD and to the fact that the winter months are incredibly busy and overwhelming for me. Last year, I prepared a whole slew of spring related posts. Then, my poor old laptop completely crashed and until I got the hard drive restored, all my writing was lost. I am still sifting through files and reorganizing, but it is nice to have my writing and photos back.
Unfortunately I have not been writing even though I have a new computer. When I started my blog I wanted it to be only positive things, and every year since I have become more and more aware of reasons to NOT be positive. Worse yet, this past year I have found no desire or need to be even a little creative. I’ve felt that it is a slap in the face to the tragedies to even be happy. How do I reflect on music and art when children are starving and families are forced apart? How can I paint a picture or write a poem when computer generated images seem to be held in a higher esteem? How can I find joy when I am so aware of everything that is not joyful?
Awareness is important, but we have become so hyper aware of everything wrong it is overwhelming. I’ve been told to step away from the news, but I can’t help but think ignorance is NOT bliss, especially when such unprecedented tragedies continue to happen. And my list of things that trigger my anxiety is overwhelming. I worry that diseases won’t be cured because research is not taken seriously. I worry that our water supply will be dried up because of artificial intelligence, not to mention the MRI scans that also show children’s brains shrinking because of it. I worry that a crazed person with a gun may be in my children’s school, or my husband’s, or mine. I worry that my blog is too long because attention spans rarely last more than 30 seconds anymore. I worry that the bees and lightning bugs will become extinct because we care too much for the look of a lawn rather than the look of wildflowers. I especially worry that a war no one wants will decimate us all.
All of this worry boils down to one big worry: my kids. What will life be like for them? Will they have clean water? Will they be safe from violence? Will they believe propaganda? Will they be allowed to express themselves? I’ve tried very hard to keep my children innocent, but not completely ignorant. It’s this weird balancing act I know a lot of moms are doing right now. We’re mad about the world but trying to stay gentle for our children. And it is hard.
But that forced gentleness is actually the foundation of some hope. I realize that even though positivity is hard, it’s worth it to have hope. Because look at these kids I have! After 4 years my son donated his hair to “Children with Hair Loss.”
My daughter drew a caricature every day for 6 months and now she’s not even 10 and can draw better than most adults I know.
My youngest overcame her fear of falling and can ride her bike, ice skate, and tumble in ways I never could.
Generosity, creativity, and determination are what brings us joy and makes us human. These children still exist regardless of the horrors of the world. Being enveloped in despair only makes the world worse for them. So for the sake of the humanity still that exists, we have to be as HUMAN as possible. I will not let my despair take over and instead will be generous like Mo, creative like Daisy, and determined like Daphne so that the world I want for them will shine through.
